it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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