If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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