Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
