Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
