I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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