capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
