If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
