My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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