All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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