Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
