honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
