i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
