I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Come see our sink grown plant.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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