The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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