worst night to have a conscience
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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