I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
