Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
