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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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