My hand turned me down
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
