We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize