I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
