Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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