found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
