Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
So much Jack, so little girl.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
