After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
