Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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