I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize