so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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