Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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