the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just want to make out with him forever
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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