Are we in a gay sports bar?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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