Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
