He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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