Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
