No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
