wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
