And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
