I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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