If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
