Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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