I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
