I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
