God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
