alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
