My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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