I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize