Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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