the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
