I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
