Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
