More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
