I wish I only lived at night.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
its not stalking. its research.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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