I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
