You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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