it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
