i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
