turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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