She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Everclear isn't food dammit
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
