It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
