Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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