Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
