we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
