So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize