I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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