16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
