I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
