So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
