I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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