You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
