MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
