I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
