I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
