Just cropdusted the office
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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