I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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