I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
