i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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