You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize