when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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