I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think your dad took our porno
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize