just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize