is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
