areolas are like halos for boobs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
