he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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