I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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