so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
