i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
