I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
