I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
