dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
