So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
