I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she looked like the before picture.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
