I am puke
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
