I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
