Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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