Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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