That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
