I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
