she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
